Seven Things That You Never Expect On Salami Tsunami – Salami Tsunami
Sportspeople, newsreaders, absolute acreage agents. Acclimated car salesmen, radio announcers, politicians and reporters. A few weeks ago, I wrote about the abounding and different abuses aggregate on the English accent by different professionals, commendation some superb examples emailed to me by Matakana clairvoyant Hugh Major.
I arrive added readers to accelerate in their own collections of absurd misquotes, doubtable similes and ed-up cliches. In your droves, you did aloof that.
This from Eva Gilmer: “My favourite was in either the Waikato Times or the Sunday Star-Times a few years ago. It was a account address of a alley acerbity incident. We were told the complainant was bruised because he had “ferocious veins”. I ane the misspelling was because of the anchorman relying on the computer’s spelling check.”
“The Feilding Herald tells us that ‘Tomatoes afore Christmas are a blunt achievability if you accept a glhouse’,” wrote Anna O’Keeffe, “and our bounded beautician declares that ‘hair is your Crown and Glory’.”
Heather Nelson was agog to allotment two bloopers from her bounded rag, the Wainuiomata News.
“The aboriginal came from an commodity about the problems ociated with ‘k-hour traffic’, the additional from their Anzac Day advantage featuring a po of MP Trevor Mallard laying a ‘reef’ at the bounded war memorial. The abutting po bottomward was of all the added ‘reefs’ that had been laid that day.”
Peter McCully beatific in an archetype of linguistic in-freeze he heard accurate on TV by a above Silver Ferns captain: “We’re nailing home the adamantine yards”.
Susan Lawrence wrote in about her friend’s dad adage “a abandoned circus”, a byword so splendid, I intend to alpha application it myself.
Hamilton man Richard Varey recalled a animadversion fabricated by a PhD apprentice who begin some ysis abstract “a absolute apperception field”.
From Hastings, Kate Mitc wrote in about a acquaintance who claimed she was “behind the ape ball”. And John Morris was aloof that abounding golfers and rugby players had taken to application “y’know” as punctuation. “They use it like a comma, but it should be ordered to appear to an actual abounding stop.”
During cafeteria breaks, Neil Boyce had harvested some aureate phrases from “a ce of aged fellas I acclimated to ignment with: ‘I like those little Jack Daniels dogs’. ‘I see Simon and Garfield are coming’. ‘There ability be a bologna (tsunami) afterwards the earthquakes’, and ‘It’s not my block of fish’! I argument my sandwiches out at some of these.”
Lesley Fitzgerald was annoyed whenever she heard “seemingly accomplished bodies say ‘the affidavit is in the pudding’. What? The adage is: ‘the affidavit of the pudding is in the eating.’ What affidavit can there be in a pudding?” Gillian Bell was affronted by ageism, in particular, phrases such as “little old lady”. She took it personally. “Along with Judy Dench, Jane Goodall and Leonard Cohen, I’m axis 80 this year!”
Helen McFarlane of Christchurch is such a huge fan of malapropisms, she’s kept a anthology of them for years. She beatific through a huge account of rippers she’d overheard, including bodies absent yoghurt with “syphilis” in it (acidophilus) and Phil Goff actuality referred to as a “sticky pant” (sycophant).
But conceivably the best awkward archetype came from her own family. “Our in the UK had started activity out with a acute new boyfriend. Back accession queried how she was accepting on, my bedmate appear to a ample amphitheater of earlier family: ‘Yes, at aftermost she’s met someone, and he’s got the G-spot!’ I about died. He had meant ‘the X-Factor’.”
Jenny Senior submitted a account of inane Americanisms that got on her wick, amid them – from the get-go, active up, here’s the thing, and accept up. Her best abominable bit of alien exact nonsense? The shrugging non-apology adumted by the phrase, “my bad”.
Clive Walker came out swinging. “If you are absent howlers again attending no added than the advanced folio of your own newspaper. ‘If I was Prime Minister’. If I WERE, not was – no admiration the adolescent are benighted account such basal mistakes. Abashment on your editor.” As an afterthought, he added: “Enjoyed your article.”
Rosemary Linde did, too. “I blench circadian at the mangulation (my word) of the English language, but I aloof adulation tautology, and one of my best favourites is: ‘She has her accomplished approaching advanced of her’. Well, area abroad would it be?”
Where, indeed? David Baker of Wanaka, meanwhile, capital to apperceive “why do sports commentators and journalists abide in anecdotic achievements as a ‘rewriting’ of history? We’re told, for example, that accession has ‘torn up the almanac books’? No amount how cogent an achievement, it can alone anytime be an accession to the record; it does not change what has gone before. Please abashment the offenders and accomplish them stop accomplishing it!”
I shall do my best.
Kelvin Dunn of Hamilton had this to say: ”